“Rank theory is an evolutionary theory of depression, developed by Anthony Stevens and John Price, and proposes that depression promotes the survivalof genes.
Depression is an adaptive response to losing status (rank) and losing confidence in the ability to regain it.”“Unlike other evolutionary explanations of depression, rank theory is able to explain why depression is incapacitating…”
Source: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/
Category: mental-health
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Rank Theory — Depression
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High Price to Pay
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“Life seems quite a high price to pay when you are depressed.”
This statement is far from being an over exaggerated, pity me, type response. For anyone struggling with depression will be able to relate to it absolutely.
On a more personal and hyper local note: If you’ve seen me, bumped into me, tried talking to me in recent days, then I’ll have almost certainly have not been able to do a ‘brave face’.
I probably came across: distant, quiet, uncommunicative, weird, sad, tearful, aloof, uninterested etc.
Just know I wasn’t being rude and it certainly wasn’t personal; I’m really struggling.
I’d rather try to just muddle on through things, but when it starts to affect how I interact with people, if only for a brief moment, then I feel it’s better for me to just say what’s going on with me.
Rather than totally and absolutely distance myself even further.
It upsets me greatly that my depression can not only ruin friendships, relationships, but also just those brief social encounters that ordinarily I can handle.
I just can’t right now.
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Paranoia
“The real meaning of the word paranoia—someone who has the ability to link events that seemingly are not connected.” — John Coleman
Even through past depressive episodes, there’s always been an underlying paranoia, which is fed by overthinking and general lack of self confidence and esteem.
It’s also true that many medications seem to coordinate efforts with your depression and anxiety actually amplifying it, so there’s really no escaping it at the best of times.
This most recent depression and anxiety has shown me a level of paranoia that has been off the charts. It’s an absolute brutal consequence of depression, and taking shit loads of medication.
It has sucker punched me repeatedly.
It gets to the point where you simply and genuinely believe you are on your own; that everyone has some agenda against you. I can’t even begin to exaggerate this, or embellish it.
Paranoia on it’s own is enough to drive friends and family away, but add in all the other facets of depress and anxiety, and the battle to wade through all the negative thoughts that paranoia forces on you leaves you utterly drained, exhausted.
“Depression is a prison where tyou are both the suffering prisoner and the cruel jailer.”
– Dorothy RoweYou no longer trust the thoughts that are rapidly bouncing inside your head, you no longer know what is up, down, left or right when it comes to general life events, decisions made, and actions of those around you.
When you also suffer from general over thinking, then paranoia is the proverbial icing on the cake.
“I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.”
― Winona RyderYou have to work so utterly hard to try and reframe all the thoughts in your head, you have to pause and think about acting or not acting on everything going in in your head for fear of reacting to a paranoid thought, opposed to a genuine thought.
“It’s amazing where the paranoid mind can take you.”
— Bill AyersOn occasions where you have had to act quickly, then subsequently realise it ended up being heavily influenced by paranoid thoughts.
I’ve personally never experienced anything quite like this level and intensity of paranoia, and it has left me so wary of most things that still pop into my head.
I try to keep things balanced as I can; to try hard to keep reframing al the negativity popping in and out of my head.
A quote by Alain De Botton comes to mind:
“For Paranoia about ‘what other people think’: remember that only some hate, a very few love, and almost all just don’t care”.
— Alain De BottonI do think this is slightly unfairly biased towards uncaring and hate, but there we go.
My paranoia seems to be quite happy sitting there next to my depression and anxiety, so a mind fuck trio. I don’t know how much of this is due to my medication, to recent events, to my depression, all or some.
Banksy has been able to articular a positive aspect of paranoia, but I’ve yet to experience that level of clarity, and can’t say I share this perspective:
“You’re mind is working at its best when you’re being paranoid. You explore every avenue and possibility of your situation at hight speed with total clarity.”
— BanksyIn recent weeks I believe I’ve started to feel less paranoid in general, but it’s still right there in my thoughts. It has helped that having some stability, lots of love and support of friends, and some autonomy in my life has helped calm things down somewhat, but paranoia is still an unwelcome visitor.
Paranoia puts you on the defensive whenever a thought, or a real life interaction happens, and it simply takes so much effort to not react.
“I don’t think people understand how stressful it is to explain what’s going on in your head when you don’t understand it yourself.”
I’ve got a lot to thrash out regards to my medication, and how much of this may or may not be influencing the general sense of paranoia I’ve been feeling, but that’s for another day.
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Let me assert my firm belief… — F.D.R.
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“Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” — Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
Repeated depressive episodes, over many years, takes a toll on you that is beyond comprehension, because there is no apparent escape from it.
With repetition, you get to a point where it seems to feel almost a default level of living; to feel down/low and anxious ‘most’ of the time.
To feel just ‘ok’ for a period of time would be more than welcome; any relief to break the vicious cycle.
I’ve always feared the inevitable next depression, because I know I’m susceptible to it as history has thus shown me.
I’ve been seemingly paralysed with fear for far too long.
However, I’m here writing this post; when last year I genuinely feared that I might not be.
I’m now slowly trying to advance, rather than retreat.
Not Neurotypical™ 